For over a year I was paid to make up words for an Edmonton weekly newspaper. Here are some of them.
Ruralien
Noun • An individual who relocates to an urban setting expecting things to be the same as “back home.” “After the bouncers beat the ruralien within an inch of his life, he realized that being the toughest guy in Drayton Valley didn’t mean much in Edmonton.”
Fiveplay
Noun • When foreplay just isn’t enough.
“Cattle prod? Check. Jumper cables? Check. Bag of bees? Check. Amyl nitrate? Double check. All right, honey, it’s time for some fiveplay. What do you mean, you’re calling the cops?”
Pantylions
Noun • An all-girl bicycle gang from inner-city Edmonton, known for their aggressive cycling, propensity for random violence, and awesome taste in underwear.
“I used to run a cupcake place on Jasper. It was real pretty-like. All the pink frosting and ruffled curtains you could handle. But one day the Pantylions showed up and … well … I’m still finding cupcake in parts of my body that I never even knew I had.”
Look What I Found In My Body
Noun • Newest hit reality television show.
“I was watching Look What I Found In My Body last night and I was shocked. I will never look at an abacus the same way again…and it was a really big abacus. I had trouble walking just thinking about it. And where did that horse come from? Dude is a magician.”
