Indiarrhea

Rockin' the home stretch of my trip in this cultural landfill site & just about ready to get back to freeze my balls off for the rest of the winter back in Toronto. The past couple weeks have been pretty interesting. I spent 3 nights in Varanasi warming up by the insane human BBQ they call the burning ghats. It was fascinating watching them parade the dead through the streets before dunking them in the river & setting the bodies ablaze right in front of you while hundreds of other people bathed in, shit in, and drank the raw sewage of the river Ganges . 200 - 400 human bodies get burned there every day. I stood 3 feet away from this burning dude while his family & I watched the side of his skull crack off and his brain swell up from the heat and ooze out till it burned to a crisp. Holy men & babies don't need to get cremated. They just tie rocks to their feet and chuck em in the Ganges. From time to time the ropes break and the bodies launch to the surface. I went on countless rowboat rides with my camera hoping this would happen but no such luck. After the BBQ I went to Jharkhand to go on a safari in the middle of nowhere. The place was shit. I was the only one in this hotel of 100 + rooms. It was like the Shining. I was stuck there for 2 nights & went on the worlds most horrible safari. The rivers were dry, I saw sick elephants with broken legs. All the watch towers were destroyed & most of the area had been taken over by Maoist Guerrilla forces & under heavy army surveillance. I got conned into driving through all this shit for 4 hours just to see a mediocre dried up waterfall. I got on the wrong bus & got lost in some other shit town while trying to get the fuck outta there and got surrounded by beggars for hours. Finally a man in all white denim with 'I'm hard to guard so don't even bother' written on the back of his jacket came out of the woodwork and spoke a couple words of English & got me on the right bus where I met a gross dude who knew every Britney Spears song off by heart. He kept leaning over me between singing Britney songs for a 12 hour bus ride to hoark his chewing tobacco out the window. I went to Calcutta for a few days which turned out to be my favourite city in the entire country. I stumbled into the most awful slaughterhouse in the world. Must have been 30,000 square feet of blood gutters and dudes killing chickens and goats in the most unsanitary ways. There was no refrigeration anywhere and hot as hell. Wild dogs were everywhere as well as crows. Hundreds of crows and crow shit all over everything. I got lots of footage & will never ever ever eat meat in India again. I also stopped eating/drinking milk products and have gone almost totally vegan which is very weird for me as the son of a butcher but all the cows and goats here eat garbage from the street. I ask myself.. If I had a wife and she ate nothing but candy wrappers and shopping bags full of rotten cabbage and cheezy bags would I let her breastfeed my children?? I don't think so. I almost beat up a cab driver the other day for charging me 10x more than the last guy to drive me the same distance. There is a general white man price as everyone tries to rip off the foreigners. Imagine if we had a special 1000% price in Canada for the Portuguese?/ It's not all gross and weird though. I have seen some beautiful countryside , ancient ruins and fabulous architecture like nowhere else in the world & I've met many amazing people. I'm now back in Delhi & bought a whole suitcase full of the dumbest shit ever for fuck all. Got a great deal on a couple a cobra flutes & a sticker collection that no one will ever be able to beat. I even bought something known as a Frans Trormer which is a unique toy robot that Franstrorms into a race car.

This place is as beautiful as it is repulsive. It is a land of extremes. I had a lot of fun & I'm glad I came but don't know if I'll ever come back.

Be home soon.

NDB3DGJ

BTW Smearball#2 are you dead?