Officer Dickface told me that I have been commanded by her Majesty to appear before the Ontario Court of Justice this coming Tuesday. On Feb 25th I brought my hot Ford Probe to the mechanic to get certified because I was about to sell it to a friend the following day. The mechanic took it for a test drive after installing new brake pads and got pulled over by Officer Dickface. Dickface was quick to realize that the license plates were registered to my old car, the vehicle was still registered to the previous owner (my buddy Jumbotron), and there was no insurance on the vehicle. The officer called me and told me to come to the garage because he wanted to discuss a few things. He first asked me how I got the vehicle to the garage. I told him I pushed it there since it's 200 meters from my studio. He told me that he didn't believe me and gave me $5200 worth of fines; a couple hundred bucks for having bogus plates (which I don't mind paying because it's about the same as registering the vehicle), and $5000 for enabling someone to drive my vehicle without insurance. Meanwhile the mechanic had his own insurance, I could argue that the vehicle was not mine since I never registered it, and I didn't even know the mechanic was going to drive it off his property, nor did I give him permission to drive it.. and what the hell does Queen Elizabeth have to do with any of this? I thought Trudeau got rid of that bitch in '82. Anyway.. I have my hot shot criminal defense lawyer on the case. She's the best in the city- puts criminals back on the street every day.
I also got a wonderful letter in the mail from the State of West Virginia saying that I am no longer allowed to operate motor vehicles in the State of West Virginia for some other funny business that happened in Dec on my way home from Miami. The fact of the matter is that I don't even want to operate a motor vehicle in West Virginia. It's a crappy state anyway so screw them. In conclusion I really hope everything goes well on Monday, and I hereby command her Majesty the queen of not my country to mind her own business.
